January 10, 2011

Here we are...new year. New me. Truely. This has been said and done before, so I understand if you are skeptical. It is so easy to give in to the things that taste good and feel good...or to the things that require no effort at all.

Life is a whirlwind. It tugs at me and my family 24/7...but this is the year that I turn 40. This is the year that I make the changes or I risk eating away my forties too.

A bit of good news, I did resolve to lose weight last year. It didn't happen how or when I wanted it to. But I did it. Not much. But at my worst last year, I tipped the scales at 252.6.

Wow. That is a number I never want to be anywhere near again on the scales. Let's avoid that one, shall we?

I went on a very strict diet...and dove completely into my Bible for inspiration, courage, and the will to stay obedient on it. With those two lovely partners, I lost 24.4 pounds.

I landed last October at 228.2.

Then we went on vacation. We ate, we partied, we did whatever it is that you do on vacation. You eat your way through the miles of road trip, the theme parks, the overpriced dinners out.

Remarkably, I only gained back about 4 pounds in the span from October to Thanksgiving. I then had the holidays to contend with and only gained one more pound from Thanksgiving to New Years.

A record for me. I'm sure.

At any rate...after trying to start and restart...here I am on 1/10/11. I am weighing in at 232.2.
Thankfully only 4 pounds of my lost weight has returned. Now is where I stop it.

I have some lofty goals.

My December birthday has me in a panic to get serious about the business of bettering my body. I want to lose 50 pounds by the end of April. Maybe another 10 by the end of May. It is graduation season, after all...can't be seen in a moo moo.

Then I have this crazy goal to be in a marathon...but to do that, well I might actually have to get off of the couch. Let's just try walking and maybe hiking for now. So...by the end of May...I want to log 150 miles of either walking or hiking or a combination.

So...there you have it...60 pounds, 150 miles...by May 31st. It is out there...now hold me accountable. :)

Once I have attained both of those goals...I want to move to running. I really want to train for a marathon...don't know where or when...but I want to do it.

To do it now, would mean injury to my body for sure. So I will work my way up to it.

My ULTIMATE goal? By December 25th, Celebrate my Savior's birthday and mine...by being 130 pounds. That is 102 pounds. That is a big goal. But I know that I can do it.

By the time that goal rolls around...that marathon will look like a piece of cake...a piece of cake that I will no longer want to eat...because I have worked tooooo hard! ;)

May this year bring you blessings and the peace of God in a very unpeaceful world.

A slightly smaller, but ever so determined, FAITH!


PS - Other goals include reading the Bible through in a year...begin weight lifting...get out of debt...get a new car...and maybe start my Master's degree program. Phew...I am tired just thinking about it!

Inching my way down...

Okay, small update.

I didn't officially start tracking my eating until the 19th...which I do through "The Daily Plate" at Livestrong.com.

This is an amazing resource...AMAZING. It has in its database almost anything you could think of eating and instantly plugs it in when you click on it and calculates how many fat grams you are eating, fiber, carbs, etc.

So. Cool.

I did weigh myself today...not expecting a loss at all, and found I was down .8 of a pound since Tuesday morning. Awesome! Really, I know it is small...but it is the right direction...and it hasn't even been a week.

I agreed to first make the change of journaling/tracking what I was eating for a week before I really focused what it was that I was putting in my mouth. Psychologically, it must have a small impact.

I would love to lose 2 pounds a week...consistently. That is what I am ultimately going for.

The weather here prohibits any sort of outside activity right now, so next week I intend to begin incorporating more focused food choices and some sort of activity 3 times a week. That is my small start...my baby steps. And it is all about what works for me at this point.

My first goal on the scale is truly just the 10 pound mark. I am on my way, but know that it will be slow. I have a cruise coming up in the fall...and I would love to drop 50 pounds by that time! I can SO do it! Really! Just watch!

I am writing this as if the whole world were cheering me on...whether you are or not...thank you for your kind thoughts, support, and prayers...please pray for me...for without prayer...this FAITH, is nothing!

Miss Faith

I didn't change my mind...yet...

Happy New Year!

I am apparently still wasting time being fat.

I have been busy procrastinating.

I am still in this deal. Really, I am.

I have a great support network of friends that are needing to join me in this.

I have a girlfriend who has invited me twice weekly to workout.

I have healthy food in the house.

I have plenty of EXCUSES...but I am trading them in for ACTIVITIES.

I hopped on the scale (I use the term hopped loosely, by the way.) and saw the biggest number I have ever seen in digital readout staring back at me.

I was ready and willing and motivated...so I started a class on Tuesday nights. Based on a book from a Christian perspective. I will be using that support system to my advantage.

We will be focusing on healthy lifestyle choices and not any one particular diet. I will most likely begin just simple calorie counting.

There is a really great website out there called www.livestrong.com and it is a part of the Lance Armstrong network of health and awareness for better living.

The site has a free application that will help you to track everything from what you eat to what you weigh and how many calories you are burning vs eating...etc. It is amazing.

Due to some personal commitments and out of town obligations, I did not purpose to start really taking care of business until this past Monday, the 11th. But I have decided to give myself until Tuesday the 19th.

We will be attending parties this weekend as well as an out of town event, and I didn't want to have to start diet tracking hardcore until we return.

Here is what I know right now...

I have a BMI of 42.7.
That is in the morbidly obese category. Yikes.

I have a body weight, buck naked on the scales at home of: 248.7.

Double yikes.

I am almost 250 pounds.

I cannot believe it.

I am actually closer to 300 pounds than I am to 100 pounds. I really never thought I would see the day.

Please join me in praying for me that this is the highest number I will ever see and that I WILL begin the downward trend towards healthier living!

As of now, I have these long term goals:

148 pounds. (Still categorizes me as mildly overweight...but I was really happy at that weight...many moons ago...and I think it is attainable. I will most likely never be a 120 pound gal.)

BMI of under 30. (That is going to take some hard work.) That also means when I reach that goal that I am within 20 pounds of my weight goal.

My short term, attainable goals are:

1) Lose 10 pounds the first month while making the health and lifestyle adjustments I intend to keep for a long time.

After that, losing a minimum of 1.5 - 2lbs per week.

That too, will take some hard work and serious diet alterations, but I can do it!

2) Daily activity. (Walking, fitness tape, whatever...just do it for 30 minutes.)

3) Journaling my food intake. (Without regard to good food/bad food at this point, but sticking to a fairly healthy intake of fruits, vegetables, carbs, protein, and some indulgences...but mostly landing at about 1800 calories a day.)

4) Consistency. That is where I generally fail. I don't stick with something long enough to actually attain my goals. I get complacent and quit. Every. Time.

I am not going to do that this time.

5) Prayer. I intend to seek the Lord daily and ask for His help in having self-control, reducing the temptations in my life, making His will my work...and so on.

A verse from years ago really stuck with me. I want it to be my life mission statement from here on out...

"Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food." Romans 14:20

I have spent my life destroying the good things that God has given me...His gifts...all because I wanted to lay on the couch or eat a ding dong.

I have put my gratification with eating and dieting...first. Without regard to what the lack of discipline has done to the work that God was calling me to.

Right now, it is simply mothering. Being a good wife. Helping others.

I can't do any of that because I am so self-focused with my food addiction. It is painful to admit. But I have destroyed the work of God....for the sake of food.

I haven't been available to do things as a wife and mother, because of where I am because of the food. I have declined invitations, not gone on field trips, skipped cocktail parties with my hubby, not shown the support and love to the people in my house all because I am too embarrassed of what I have let food do in my life. I have bowed down to food.

It has become my idol.

I am praying for release from this captivity. I am praying for the strength to loose the chains myself.

God has given me the tools...and I just need to use them!

Keep praying for me!

Faith

I hope to check back on Tuesday the 19th...at a weight less than the 248.7. I will talk with you then!

Here I am, Lord, change me.

Do you ever feel as if what you want out of life will only happen once you "become thin?"

Or maybe you don't struggle with weight...so yours is "once I _____" (fill in the blank...whatever your struggle).

Well, I have wasted too much time being fat.

Seriously too much.

I have missed out on my kids' class parties, field trips, and more. I have declined invitations to go boating, hiking, walking, to the gym, on trips, and even to weddings because I was too embarrassed, too fat, didn't have anything to wear...the list goes on and on.

Right now, I'd rather have a papsmear than go shopping for new clothes. Size 2x and 3x is not quite couture quality fashion. (You think I am joking about the papsmear...totally not. At least when I am laying in the "prone" position for said exam I do not have to look at my face in a department store mirror as I try to squeeze into stretchy denim in size uh-hem. That is right. I am so not saying the number. Not yet.) In fact, I am pretty sure that stretchy material has aided and abbetted my own criminality on the weight front. I mean it was the spandex legging 17 years ago that allowed me to go from 135-165 without changing pant sizes.

(Did anyone else wake up during that decade realizing that they were no longer the same size that you were when the fashion trend began?) Sigh. Yep. That fashion was a fashion don't. Wish I would have seen that one coming!

So, here I sit, with just days remaining in this year...this decade, and I want out of this fat body so badly I could scream.

I scream. Yum, ice cream. That sounds good right about now. With a little cake on the side.

Don't forget to wash it down with a diet coke. (I'd rather eat my calories than drink them, so just hand me the lighter fluid. If it would make me "lighter," I would drink it.)

You see, that is the problem. I want something I eat or drink to do all of the work for me. I have not been one to try every diet fad as it came along. Phen fen, slim fast, Jenny Craig, cabbage soup diet, whatever...I didn't go there. The extent of my experimentation has been Weight Watchers and fiber pills. (Oh, and relationship break-ups. You always drop a size or two during one of those.)

Weight Watchers has not failed me, I have failed it.

I did the program years ago..it was stricter. It was more common sense dieting than it is today. Today WW is designed to be user friendly. The problem is that they forget that their users are serial dieters, compulsive overeaters, and more. Telling modern day me that I need to stick to 28 points a day...and suggesting that I get my points from certain food groups is not enough tough love for a diet-challenged girl like myself. (If I can eat 20 points of M&M's...and still be considered within the program rules for the day...there is a problem.) And I do find the applause and the stickers for losing .2 of a pound to be a little patronizing. Seriously...I could trim my nails and shave for that weight loss (and have)...and don't exactly want to announce to the whole meeting that I sucked so bad the past week that I only lost like 4 ounces. People, that is a trip to the restroom. Duh.

At any rate, as I said, it is not WW that has failed me...I have failed it. I have lacked discipline, consistency, boldness, self-control...you name it. Each time I have gone back, I have gone back heavier.

It is 4 days until Christmas today. I won't tell you what I weigh today...and what my goals are yet. I plan to spend the next 10 days taking a full inventory of myself, my goals, and laying it all out there for the blog world come that dreaded day...January 1st.

But this year, it is going to be different. This is the year that I intend to put my health, my life, my very well-being front and center.

That is why I started this blog. I need your help. I need accountability. I need encouragement.

I want to share my successes with you and if anything I do works, I want to share that too.

I welcome each one of you to join the journey with me. Follow me and share your goals and dreams with me too. Let's get rid of this second-class life that we settle for and really reach for the prize.

And bring your faith with you, we are all going to need it!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

Sincerely,

Lil' Miss Faith