Here I am, Lord, change me.

Do you ever feel as if what you want out of life will only happen once you "become thin?"

Or maybe you don't struggle with weight...so yours is "once I _____" (fill in the blank...whatever your struggle).

Well, I have wasted too much time being fat.

Seriously too much.

I have missed out on my kids' class parties, field trips, and more. I have declined invitations to go boating, hiking, walking, to the gym, on trips, and even to weddings because I was too embarrassed, too fat, didn't have anything to wear...the list goes on and on.

Right now, I'd rather have a papsmear than go shopping for new clothes. Size 2x and 3x is not quite couture quality fashion. (You think I am joking about the papsmear...totally not. At least when I am laying in the "prone" position for said exam I do not have to look at my face in a department store mirror as I try to squeeze into stretchy denim in size uh-hem. That is right. I am so not saying the number. Not yet.) In fact, I am pretty sure that stretchy material has aided and abbetted my own criminality on the weight front. I mean it was the spandex legging 17 years ago that allowed me to go from 135-165 without changing pant sizes.

(Did anyone else wake up during that decade realizing that they were no longer the same size that you were when the fashion trend began?) Sigh. Yep. That fashion was a fashion don't. Wish I would have seen that one coming!

So, here I sit, with just days remaining in this year...this decade, and I want out of this fat body so badly I could scream.

I scream. Yum, ice cream. That sounds good right about now. With a little cake on the side.

Don't forget to wash it down with a diet coke. (I'd rather eat my calories than drink them, so just hand me the lighter fluid. If it would make me "lighter," I would drink it.)

You see, that is the problem. I want something I eat or drink to do all of the work for me. I have not been one to try every diet fad as it came along. Phen fen, slim fast, Jenny Craig, cabbage soup diet, whatever...I didn't go there. The extent of my experimentation has been Weight Watchers and fiber pills. (Oh, and relationship break-ups. You always drop a size or two during one of those.)

Weight Watchers has not failed me, I have failed it.

I did the program years ago..it was stricter. It was more common sense dieting than it is today. Today WW is designed to be user friendly. The problem is that they forget that their users are serial dieters, compulsive overeaters, and more. Telling modern day me that I need to stick to 28 points a day...and suggesting that I get my points from certain food groups is not enough tough love for a diet-challenged girl like myself. (If I can eat 20 points of M&M's...and still be considered within the program rules for the day...there is a problem.) And I do find the applause and the stickers for losing .2 of a pound to be a little patronizing. Seriously...I could trim my nails and shave for that weight loss (and have)...and don't exactly want to announce to the whole meeting that I sucked so bad the past week that I only lost like 4 ounces. People, that is a trip to the restroom. Duh.

At any rate, as I said, it is not WW that has failed me...I have failed it. I have lacked discipline, consistency, boldness, self-control...you name it. Each time I have gone back, I have gone back heavier.

It is 4 days until Christmas today. I won't tell you what I weigh today...and what my goals are yet. I plan to spend the next 10 days taking a full inventory of myself, my goals, and laying it all out there for the blog world come that dreaded day...January 1st.

But this year, it is going to be different. This is the year that I intend to put my health, my life, my very well-being front and center.

That is why I started this blog. I need your help. I need accountability. I need encouragement.

I want to share my successes with you and if anything I do works, I want to share that too.

I welcome each one of you to join the journey with me. Follow me and share your goals and dreams with me too. Let's get rid of this second-class life that we settle for and really reach for the prize.

And bring your faith with you, we are all going to need it!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

Sincerely,

Lil' Miss Faith